attention!! let's make party!!!

(a painted part of the Berlin Wall = East Side Gallery)

So far, I think that Berlin is the most livable city in all of the EU. The nights, the days, the streets, the history, the style, the people... (all but one. more about that later.)

On our first night out we ended up at a squatter-art house-night club called Tacheles. What I mean by this is that after the Berlin Wall fell, a community of people (mainly artists) moved into this building and with time they eventually became the owners. Now it is an art space full of different galleries and their owners. At night a full bar opens up inside with different bands and headlining DJs. There was a full blown (with a complete brass section) latin salsa band playing. And I'm pretty positive that all of Spain was there as well. At one point they played Shakira's world cup song ("this ones for Africa... Namanamana heyhey") then some Spanish boys took off their shirts and got all Latin on top of a table.

(this is what the squatter nightclub/art gallery looks like with the lights on.)

I decided a long time ago that I was not going to write about the negative comments I get about where I am from. Believe me- it's happening. I'm usually pretty cool in these situations. Example of a standard conversation:
Not American: so your from Texas? So like, where's your gun and horse?
Me: out back. Tied up next to the Australians kangaroo and pet koala bear.

Gun loving, Bush loving, freedom fighting American. Yee haw.

Unfortunatly- Berlin is also where I had the worst part of my trip.
I'm standing there- minding my own business- and some dude I have never seen before in my life gets right in my face and says, "you're the dumbest girl I've ever looked at. Blonde American. I don't even need to hear you talk. I wish I had a tape recorder to play back all of the stupid things you have ever said."

WHAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?

I'm standing there, jaw dropped, and 3... 2.... 1.... Here come the water-works. (I'm sure the PMS/ German beer coctail I was rolling with didn't help either.) I cried like a baby. Like heavy breathing, nose dripping, voice cracking, shoulder shaking kind of crying. (I even called mama. Whose response was, "oh baby, you need to get your butt back to Texas.")

I was so upset- but what I was so upset over was the fact that I spend so much energy being not ignorant and being educated and trying to prove that not all Americans (or Texans) are dumb fucks! But this was the straw that broke the camels back. I was pissed at myself because I wanted to defeatedly crawl back home and tell everyone not to go to Europe because everyone everywhere hates Americans- which then keeps Americans at home, staying ignorant and hating the rest of the world, treat them with no respect, which keeps the rest of the world hating Americans. It's a vicious cycle!!!! (and really now, of all the cities you're going to be a hater in? Really??)

In the end, the person I feel the worst for in the whole situation is the poor guy who walked me back to the hostel and pat my back while I relished in my misery.

Cry baby.

Moving along...

The mayor of Berlin described the city as "poor but sexy". And ain't that the truth! It's not a beautiful, asthetically pleasing place- there are still areas in shambles from WW2 and messes left behind from the Soviets. But the people of Berlin have taken the landscape of the city and made it their canvas. Creativity is flowing here- there is street art, gorilla art, and wheat pasting around every corner. Some of it is trash- but when it's all mixed together it's a beautiful colage.


We went to an old bombed train station from the war. There are still shards of glass on the ground and broken windows, bricks laying all around- it's a breath taking mess. A sureal reminder of the destruction this place has seen. Now take a walk aroud the corner- the old guard towers have been turned into rockwalls, theirs a skate park, night clubs, and a beer garden full of people. It's an amazing juxtoposition of the lives that Berlin has lived.


My favorite squatter community we passed by was of people who moved into old soviet tanks and trucks. When they left Berlin- they left their mess here and people turned it into their homes and are still lving there today.

Berlin does have a pretty budged up history. And I think they are cleaning up with class.

Another sureal part if my time their was on a walking tour and the guide led us on a windey route and we ended up in a courtyard of an apartment complex in a neighborhood. Turns out we were standing on the spot where hitler had comitted suicide. That was a "wow" moment.

Now just to keep things a little twisted, my blonde "girlfriend" (term was used many times this night to get rid of the never ending number of abrasive dutch boys) and I decided to go out on a '666-anti-pub crawl'. It started off normal, you know, flirting with the Irish bartender, drinking a beer, no big deal. Then it got WAK!

If you don't like bad words, don't look at this picture:


This was stamped on my wrist all night. And I think the guys in charge of this used sharpie like strength ink as a nasty trick. I couldn't get it off for days. Jerks.

My first gothic bar, ever. This is no numbers in montrose kind of goth bar. This is so gothic that the band Rammstein kicks it here for the "creative energy". Whatever you imagining- multiply it by one million. Upside down crosses, Marilyn Manson lookalikes (creepy contacts included), all dressed in black, head banging, rageing goths.

I couldn't stop smiling. Maybe smiling too much. And "chopped suey" by system of a down came on. And we danced!!!

And now I'm all kebebed out.

Definition of my choice for the title of this blog:

I've picked up a bit of translations from kicking it with English as a second, third, or forth language speakers on my adventure.

Attention! = Hey!
Arrange some drinks! = Get me a beer!
Let's make party! = WOOOO!!!!!

amsterdaaaaam!!!!

My first impression of Amsterdam was "WOW!!! This place is cute! People never talk about how cute this place is!"
Anxious and excited to get off the bus we drop our bags and................

"in bruges"

"if I'd grown up on a farm and was retarded, Bruges might impress me, but I didn't, so it doesn't."

-Ray

(if you haven't seen the movie- go see the movie.)

Automatically- wasn't even there for 15 min before I fell for the Flemish-est of Flemish jokes. I walk into an old locals cafe with a friend. I'm standing at the bar to order a coffe- and what to my wondering eyes does appear?? A euro on the ground!! Bend over... DAMMIT!!! As I slowly rise with my hand over my eyes I begin to hear the belly laughs from the table full of old men (majority of toothless). That sucker was glued to the floor. And I think those men just sit around and wait for that to happen.

Suprisingly enough, Bruges is not a quiet place. And whenever it rains the whole place smells like horse shit.

I went walking around the central part of this creepy city on my first night. Bruges really does have a live soundtrack. Just like the movie (which there is a possibility I might mention a lot). There are random violin and cello players in alleyways, giving a creepy echo effect, every few blocks. But the creepiest is the children standing on corners playing out of tune string instruments. They stare right at you with a blank expression on their face.

But this did not stop the realization of the one song I have heard in Europe over all others:

"I would walk 5,000 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the man who walked... Something something blah"

The next morning I woke up with 2 british boys passed out on the floor of the room. They looked like chubby versions of the Jonas brothers. And stunk.

Belgium is known for a few things. Waffles.. French fries.. Chocolate.. Beer.. Christ's blood.. And In Bruges!

I had a waffel. Ehh...

I had some french fries, followed by some nasty looks. Ordering fries here comes with an option of about 15 sauces. I ordered the American. (que the nasty looks) "why go all the way to belgium to get american sauce?!" well excuse me, people! It says spicy and it's the only sauce not mayonaise based!!!

Good god I had chocolate. There us even a chocolate museum here- 'choco story' it's like an anthropological take on chocolate. With samples.

I had beer. 12% alcohol beer. Made by a monk!

I saw christ's blood. It's on a cloth, in a vile, protected by a preist. It's still red. Scientifically??.... Jus' sayin.

I went on an in Bruges tour.

Park where best scene of the movie takes place...

Postcard view of Bruges. Also the black sign to the left- the hotel they stayed at and the window where Ray jumps out to a boat in the chase scene.The morning I left I woke up with midget in my room. Real life. (if you've seen the movie, you know how weird this is.)

the U.K.razy!!!

I'm so excited I can't hardly see straight! I'm about to do something that ... millions of people have done- but now I get to do it!!

Check this: I'm on a bus, that is on a train, that is in a tunnel, that is under the English Channel! WHAT?!?!?Then the lady at passport control had to go and kill my buzz.

I was the last in line, she questioned me for 30 min. (which held the bus up-and all buses following- which then contributed to us arriving 21/2 hrs. late)

I was given a form to fill out before reaching the desk. My favorite question: occupation. Why not just ask me what I want to do with the rest of my life!?! With a deep breath and gigantic punch to my ego, I wrote 'unemployed'.
Big mistake.
Here's a brief portion of our conversation.pASSport control: unemployed??? You left your country in a recession to come spend money that will not benefit your economy?Me: (shakin' in my boots) umm... Yes ma'am.
pASSport: obviously you're not paying for this.
Me: actually... (cut off)
pASSport: you could be deported.
(DEPORTED??!?!??!!)
pASSport: do you know anyone in the UK?Me: yes!! Her name is Laura! She's in Edinburgh!
pASSport: and what does she do?
Me: she just graduated... And she's raising her son.
pASSport: so she's a housewife.
Me: don't you think that term is a little outdated?
another big mistake.

pASSport: I'm getting the impression here that you are going to Edinburg to work for this "Laura" (yes, she made quotation marks in the air with her chubby little British fingers) and raise her son.
Me: WHAT?!??! I have a degree from the University of Texas! Known to some as 'the Harvard of the south'!! Why would I want to raise a kid?!?!?(ok... maybe I didn't say all of that last part.)

After 25 min. I was granted 11 days in the UK. Sitting right next to the stamp in my passport- 11 days.

My first night in London I got to spend with a familiar face of a friend on his last night. The London night plays extreme tricks on people like me. First- it's so cold. Like Christmas morning cold. But it's August. Second- I still sware I saw foxes in the street. And best of all is third- creepers watching us through binoculars in white vans. None of this was true- except for the cold part.The next morning I had the pleasure of meeting my roommates at the hostel. Somehow I happened to wind up in a room full of boys from Texas! Unfortunately, they are those kinds of boys from Texas that you don't want the rest of the world to know about. TCU frat boys who (still) pop their collar, spit dip, and have a tendency to drink so much they fall asleep in bars. They somehow convinced me to go out with them one night- after an hour and a half I bailed and ended up sleeping for 15 hrs. (new personal record.)

London is so freaking big. My time there was basically a cluster of walking and looking at things that looked better in my imagination than in real life.Buckingham palace- tiny.
Tower of London- so small.
London bridge- are you kidding me?!?! It's a bridge that says 'London Bridge' on it.

But this, this is my favorite part of London:

A reminder for the rest of the world which way to look when crossing the street.
Then it was off to Scotland- where you can hear bagpipes everywhere. Seriously. Here in Edinburgh, there is the only statue (ever) of an angel playing the bagpipes.

This is also the birth place of the phrase "shit faced". Back in the day (pre-plumbing) people would throw their waste from a bucket out the window and yell something in French, that ironically sounds like "beware of the pop!!!". Being sober- one would step to the side and seek cover. Being drunky-one would look up and say "huh??"
And then... 'shit faced'.

Being a very short trip (remember the '11 days delima') I still had time to get lunch with Laura and her beautiful son that I am not staying in Scotland to raise for money, dance with the stinkiest Germans ever, and ride in a backwards car. By backwards car I mean I sat on the left and the car was moving on the left side of the road. The guy driving had a whole conversation with me in which I did not participate in, or pay attention to, because I was to busy freaking the f out.

Edinburgh is a beautiful city.


This is Arthur's Seat- which I found out was an active volcano when I was already on the top of it.

Next stop- the mother land- Ireland. (I know, technically not the UK. But their all over there together.)

On the plane ride over I sat next to a girl randomly who also happened to be from Texas, and grew up in a neighborhood not far from mine. Going through passport control the officer asked which one of us was the 'wildest one'. A little creeped out we just smiled, laughed a little, and continued on walking. Not knowing what that was about- I said "BTW, I'm Erin." and she was all like "No! I'm Erin!" omg. Now we know what that was all about!

People often ask me how I meet people when I am traveling alone. You take in a deep breath- tell yourself "you're amazing"- approach, and be charming. Occasionally it can be a complete failure and you get stuck in lame conversations with people who suck. In Dublin- total success. I met 2 loooovely ladies (1 from Texas!) and we had the most amazing time ever.

Our first night in Dublin was a Saturday- rightfully so we went on a pub crawl. Man... I'm telling ya... those Irish.

But now I'm beginning to question the progressive evolution of man. At one point in the night I kept feeling a small but sharp sting hit my back every few seconds. I look over and see some guy (Australian..) throwing skittles at me. I said "excuse me- I don't even know you and you're throwing skittles at me." his response "you're cute. Wanna skittle?" NO I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR STUPID SKITTLES!!!!

And like the champs we are- we were up at Guiness storehouse the next morning. This place was amazing- 7 stories high and has everything from the original lease for 9000 years, step by step brewing, the rules for a proper pour of Guiness, and a Guiness on the top floor with a 360 view of Dublin.


I know Guiness can be pretty intimidating- but I tried something that changed my life. However, the Irish find it to be rather blasphemous. Black current in the beer!! Makes it more lady like.

Then one of my favorite pastimes. Naps. But make it better- on a grassy knoll with a game of cricket in the sun at Trinity College. We then spoke for hours on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And took senior photos.


There's been this crazy rumor going around about something that I couldn't believe- but I've seen it with my own eyes.
Do you see anything wrong with this picture?


In Ireland (where bartenders get punched for pouring a Guiness wrong) on draft- next to Bulmers and Heineken- is Coor's Light. And the love the shit of that pee.

On a different topic- when I was a baby one of my mothers best friends attempted to teach me my first word. Over and over again "WHISKEEEY!!!!!" needless to say- I'm a whiskey girl. And a salivate when think about it- Jameson girl!

Everybody together now- WHISKEEEY!!!!


On our last afternoon in Dublin we saw a crazy drunk being crazy. I said, "That's the only crazy drunk I've seen in Ireland." to which I was given the reply "Obviously you didn't see how we looked on Saturday night." Hurts so good!!!!

paris! (no witty title necessary)

*disclaimer* a portion of photos refuse to rotate- tilting your head to the left a few times will be necessary to obtain a proper view.

I arrived in Paris oh so tired- but surprise! Guess who's here??? My favorite frenchie, Ines! And with her is our amigo Nate- from Texas! We took this group shot that I couldn't resist posting. God I love being a tourist.


The day that I decided to do a lot of stuff in Paris didn't begin with the smoothest morning. i filled up my water bottle- ran outside to catch up with the walking tour- took a sip of my water- it was boiling. i should have put a tea bag in it. that's how hot it was. then when we get to the first stop on the tour i look into my bag and a packet of butter has exploded all over it. (please don't ask me why there was a packet of butter inside of my purse.) it's everywhere- sunglasses, wallet, lip gloss, and even in the shutter of my camera. i don't want to talk about it too much, but i found some way too close to my eye later on in the afternoon.

things started to look up when i heard the story of the original FB. check it:
there was this king (who has a name- but i can't remember it) who was having a fiesta where he and all of his friends got super wasted. the king then had a `bloody brilliant` idea and summoned sculptors to make statues of all of his wastey friends. and then put them on this bridge.


how is this the original FB?
FB is the bridge.
and now i put this on the blog. because it's already on FB.


I went to bed sending off positive vibes that the next morning would be a much more delightful experience. Well... The French will be French. It's 7:30am and all I can hear are those stupid horns being blown- the ones like in the world cup. I'm thinking- oh it must be the neighbors revenge. It's possible we were a little loud last night. They're making a point- lesson learned- can't last longer than 15 min. So naive. So wrong. 45 min later I go downstairs to see it's the janitorial staff of the hostel. And guess what? They were on strike! Surprise!! Not even French citizens- they didn't even speak French! And guess what they wanted... A free meal with every shift that they worked!!
Good. God.

Obviously I needed to get out of there mas rapido. I decided to play one of my favorite games- get lost for fun! And boy howdy did I. I also made it a point to stop by pere lachaise cemetary (which is beautiful)- at no later than 10:30am I turn the corner to Jim morrison's (of 'the doors') grave and I am welcomed by a cloud of pot smoke, shots of Bourbon, and a champagne toast to Jim himself. There was even a quite older couple crammed in there having a cheese and baguette picnic. On his actual grave there were a fee joints laid down and bottles of booze. I'm thinking: illegal. But a guard told me this happens everyday all day. There are even regulars who visit the grave at least once a week.



This night we went from being incredibly French to incredibly American. Well I was the only American... So Canadian and Australian. It began as a quiet evening eating a bomb baguette with stinky/yummy cheese and drinking red wine while sitting by the seine river. Just like the locals! And it ended with the most outrageous game of kings I've ever played.

In a nutshell- kings is a drinking card game. Each card has a rule to it. Ex- 6= chicks. So ladies drink. Or 3= me. And that person drinks. One of the best cards is the 'rule maker' card, this person gets to make a new rule. Ex- if you touch your hair you have to drink. Someone thought it would be fun to have 6 different new rule cards this night. So by the end of the night if you wanted (or needed) to drink, this is how it went:
1. Slap your face with your left hand
2. Make an animal sound
3. Drink
4. Stand up and curtsy
5. While curtsying say "thank you, wolfie."
(yes, there was a Canadian there named wolfie. Real life.)

The next day (eventually) I made the journey out to the catacombs. Forever away- in the 1700s-ish the French were running out if burial space with all of the plagues running around and killing people. So the remains of 6 million people were dug up and delivered at night by a full brigade of priests to this old rock quarry. So creepy.

See how creeped out I am?


I also went on a walk through Montmartre- home of the moulin rouge, many locations were 'amile' was filmed, and also once where Picasso and van gough used to live. Now home of the 'bobo'. A French term used which means the 'bohemian bourgeoisie'. The super rich and young something who wants to live the artists lifestyle. But with a lot of money. And not be an artist themselves. A term I believe is becoming relevant in ausin... hmmm...

The best of all paris was the night bike tour.
1. We got to ride bikes in Paris. (like the Parisian. And all other tourists.)
2. Paris at night is no words can describe beautiful. When the Eiffel tour sparkles, you can't help but go "ohh! ahh!"
3. Ended with a boat tour on the Seine.
4. Free wine on that boat.
5. The ride back to the garage after that free wine on the boat.

I hadn't ridden a bike in over a year- since that one time I thought it would be fun to ride 50 something miles in the Texas hill country. I started off a bit shaky- like stopping. But it was just like.. Riding a bike!


Cruzin' through the louvre at sunset.



I have to mention part of a conversation that I had with some Australians while in Paris.
Aussie question: Erin, I've been wanting to ask you this for a few days now- but I don't want to offend you. But I just can't take it anymore. (suspense) Do you have a 'Bubba' in your family???
To sum up the situation I simply described to her a scenario that likely occurs at my mothers family reunions.
Mama: Have you seen Bubba?
Me: Your Bubba? or Carl bubba? Or his kid Kyle bubba? Or my bubba?

Jaws dropped!

I've been thinking a lot about how things will be when I get back to Texas. Having this amazing experience and being the person that I want to be- I feel like I am confident to bring this all back to the 'real world'. Not saying that I want to go home- I'm just getting more and more excited/anxious to see how life will unfold!!

But somethings just don't change. Like how much people annoy me. I'm sitting on a bench in a park with 20 other open benches. And Right now at the very second I wrote that paragraph some asshole has to sit down right next to me and eat his lunch- smacking so hard I can't even see straight! Were you raised in a dang barn?!!?!

the most beautiful place on earth.

When we were driving into Switzerland I swore I could smell the grass and the trees through the bus windows. And again my life became like a song. But this time a more audience appropriate song- a Jack Johnson song! "I wish this old train would break down... Something something something... So I could take a walk around. Something... The wisdom's in the trees and not the glass windows."

Side note- not only is Switzerland the most beautiful place on earth it is also (unfortunately) the most expensive place on earth. A Swiss franc converts 1 to 1 with the US dollar. Get this- I had to check it with my own eyes- a big mac at McDonald's is 11 franc! Without fries and a drank! That's $11!! And the place was packed!! Carrying on now...

The campsite in Lauterbrunnen had an amazing view of the Swiss alps and a breathtaking sunset. I spent a lot of my time with my feet in a stream, reading under trees, and jogging through the mountains with a lot of cows all around- wearing bells. One time out running I came across a loose herd of cows- and they were running too. Right at me. And then I had a little mini panic seeing as I was in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of cows running head on. I began to question everything I have ever learned at a rodeo or on a farm. Is that a bull?! A steer?! Omg. But I kept running and they just looked at me like "why is she running?".


I know I mentioned the overwhelming feeling of the alps before when I was in Innsbruck Austria, and it happened all over again here. I went for a walk one afternoon to the trummelbach glacier waterfalls- which consists of 19 different glacier waterfalls inside of a mountain that pumps up to 20,000 liters of water a second. The water came pouring out with such force you could feel the pressure- and the temperature dropped immediate. Standing over the railing was so scary and invigorating all at the same time. It was a glimpse of how massive these mountains are- this water does not stop!



Again, one if those "WTF!?!!?" moments.

But first- let me give you a bit of background info.
There are 2 different young peoples guided tour travel kind of programs. One is 'contiki' and the other is 'top deck'. Both are about 10 days long and usually a drunk incestuous set up for 19 yr olds. The campsite in lauterbrunnen was full if drunk 'contiki' kids. So there was never a surprise to seeing someone drunkenly wondering around at any given time of day. Until one night...

It's real late- it's real dark- and I'm really asleep. I wake up to the sound of someone fumbling around in the cabin-and I know or a fact I was the last one in for the night. I get up just knowing that someone is there. And I start firmly saying "uh uh!! Oh no you don't!! Get out sucker!!" my roommates think that I have lost it and I'm talking to myself- their telling me to go to bed and that i'm seeing shit. Sure 'nuff. Turn the lights on and there is a guy passed the f out inside of a girl's suitcase!! Well his head wasn't in there- but he even managed to get a dress out and use it as a blanket (while he's holding onto a bottle of jäger like a baby).

Next was lucerne Switzerland- a quick stop in a little typical Swiss village where I slept, blogged, jogged, and slept.



Y'all love it.

I wasn't sure where to put these 2 places, and since this blog was a short one I think they fit perfectly here.

On the way from lucerne to Munich we stopped at neuschwanstein castle, which was built by king Ludwig II. This is the castle that inspired all Disney castles and the Disney castle logo. But I felt like no princess here. It was raining cats and dogs. We couldn't see a thing and spent 2 hrs in a freezing cold room soaking wet. Then we ran through more rain to sit on a freezing cold bus. I didn't get a picture of what the castle looks like. But I did get a magnet- and here is a picture of my magnet.


Then back to the beer and bratwurst of Munich.
One of the main reasons I wanted to return to Munich was to visit Dachau concentration camp. This was the "master plan" of all camps and where all commanders were sent for training and de-humanizing. It is also one of the very few camps in existence with a crematory and gas chamber open for viewing. This was the most sobering experience on my trip so far.

Prisoners at Dachau had no confirmation that there was an active gas chamber there- but they knew there was a crematorium because they could see and smell the smoke for 24 hrs a day.

This was literally a factory line of death. Prisoners were under the impression that they were going for a shower. The building is rectangular shaped with 5 rooms one after the other. Room 1: strip of your clothes and clean them. Room 2: the waiting room for the group ahead of you. Room 3: the gas chamber. The feeling and the air got so dark and heavy in this room. The walls were all painted white in the previous rooms- but here there were no windows and it was bare brick walls and ceiling. There were even shower heads on the ceiling not to give away what would happen. The. The doors were locked and zyclon b was slipped in from a metal flap outside, the heaters would be turned on and in minutes 100 people would be dead. Room 4: storage for the bodies. There are pictures of the room with bodies stacked to the ceiling for rows and rows. Room 5: the crematory. On occasion the guards would take people there alive and kill them point blank in front of the machine so he would land on top of 5 other bodies and knowing his would be in there with them. When finished the guard would take the ashes and dump them outside behind a tree- like it was swept up dust in a bin.

My utmost respect goes to the survivors who demanded that this camp does not get destroyed so that people of the future can learn from something so horrible that happened not so long ago.

Now- on a more cheery note, I met some Irishmen (and women) and wow are they crazy.

nice will be nice.

(get it?)

I have officially been backpacking for 2 months now and I am officially tired. I want an air conditioner. I want a warm and healthy meal (with no cheese or bread). And I want something consistent for more than 3 days. So in Nice... I had an air conditioner.

This was not my first time to Nice- I had a train incident/ layover/ French rail strikes too much experience here on my way back to Italy from Barcelona. I was told to ask for "the pink lady". And she, obviously, was a lady covered from head to toe in pink. Unfortunately, not all of her clothing was thick enough or big enough to cover her one million year old body. Needless to say- I had my doubts about Nice.

This time I ducked out early enough the next morning to avoid having to tell my story to someone- again. ("where ya from?" "how long ya traveling?" "where ya been/ going?") And I started walking. I hit the market in vieux nice, the old town.

This picture is to torture Jamie and Dan:


I have never seen so many olives in my life. It was gross. I mean delicious?

I also had to hold my breath when walking past the seafood section. I don't know who thought it was a good idea to put raw fish outside.. In the sun! But that shit don't seem kosher to me. And here- the stinkiest spot in France, I had a 'Romeo & Juliet' moment:
A group of about 4 French waiters flagged me down in the market to give me a rose. I didn't take it though because I thought that I would then have to buy a steak or something. But when 3 of them started picking the thorns off, I began to believe that they were not actually gypsies in disguise- so I took it with a smile. But not that graceful of a smile because I was plugging my nose and trying not to vom all over the hot and raw fish.

This day was also Bastille Day- the French version of Independence Day. I gave in and socialized in 'the champagne room'. (don't sing the song "no sex in the champagne room to people who are not American. They won't get it.) Conversation changed to the "wicked" fireworks show that will be happening later that night on the beach. Cool. Rad. Not. Weakest fireworks show I've ever seen. And the crowds around were going "oohhhhhhh!!!! aahhhhhhh!!!" when this little sucker went off.

The next day was spent on the beach in Monaco. This place smells like money. Yachts for days. And a Bentley next to a Rolls Royce next to a gold brick.


I know this may be difficult to believe people- but I have a tan. A legit tan. Not to be confused with a bunch of freckles blending together. A tan. An Australian (aka the tannest people ever) even told me I was tan. Granted, he was probably humoring me- but it worked.

The other thing I will always remember about this day is that it is the day that mama drew the line. She's coming to Spain in September and she will not be leaving empty handed. So it looks like this young lady will be returning to the heart of Texas come September 10.

And the next morning I left for the biggest disappointment of my whole euro-trip: Milan. Someone described Milan as "boring as bat shit". Well I saw 'Ace Ventura Pet Detective' and I know about bat poo! And that is even cooler than Milan! So I paid too much to sit by a pool all day and sweat. Because Italy hates the ac. And ice.

(but i did find this cool ray ban sign and took a picture with my ray bans on.)


And somewhere in the heat stroke that was these previous days- I lost my cup... and my pajamas.