la dulce vida!

in italy i was called, "blonde and exotic"! OK!!! i'll take it!!

interesting fact about italy: mafia profits make up 10% of italy's gdp. (someone check sab's 'MAFIA FILES' box!!!)

i automatically clicked with a group of girls at the campground in venice. (shout out to my kiwis!) it was so refreshing to have a night to dance l

ike a total freak with a bunch of girls with no make-up on. it was such an amazing night! except for this one part... and i have no idea how these things happen to me.

so- i go to the restroom. in the restroom there is a drunk and crying 19 yr.

old girl. and i accidently made eye contact. she reaches her arms out to me, grabs me, and then pulls me in for a huge hug. i said, "i just need to pee." and this is what i got from her.
"i'm being a skank and i don't want to be a skank. i have to skank it up every night to keep up with my skank friend, who loves being a skank."me: "go to bed."oh snap! her skanky friend has now entered the restroom and she says, "are you crying AGAIN!?!?!"
crying skank: "this is who i am! and i defend you when people call you a skank! so go be a skank and let me cry!"skank: "people call me a skank!!??!?!"
(thanks to jess for forcefully pulling me out of there at just the right moment.)
5 min. later jess and i are standing at the front door while i am trying to recap the convo i just had with the skanks and then the skank comes stor

ming outside of the bar in a full on rage. she shoves some people, picks up a plastic chair and chunks it on the ground, punches some bushes and like a whirlwind she is gone. an hour later the crying skank comes walking out of the restroom (wrapped up in a blanket???) holding

hands with some boy and has a huge smile on her face.

this night a also had a strange 15 sec convo with a beautiful dancing boy.
me: "are you a dancer?" (he was a really good dancer.)
weirdo: "aren't we all?"
me: "where are you from?"

weirdo: "everywhere. we're human kind! all of us!!"

(i was told that later in the night his friend went on and on about how he couldn't wait to get home and hug his mom and tell her how much he loved her. no thanks.)

everyone says that it is impossible not to get lost in venice, which is 117 small islands connected by 409 bridges. they're right. canals for streets, boats for cars- it was beautiful! maps are usless- only needed to help with what general direction you need to go.

interesting fact about venice: over 40,000 pidgeons live on the islands.

after a few, "bon-jour-noooo!!"s from some gorgeous italian men the ladies and i decided that it was time to indulge in the main reason i am in italy. and indulge we did. i will not put you through the agony of me describing the deliciousness of the best experience i had in italy- so i'll just show you pictures of it.

best pizza ever.

best gellato ever.i learned something else about myself in venice as well. it does not matter how old, detailed, historic or grandeous the place is- when i walk into a church i have a physical bodily reaction where i can not stop yawning.on the way home (after an unfortunate event of lots of rain) i happened to be the only one to catch a group of about 5 14 yr. old little boys moon the van that we were in as we drove by. i promise it happened.

(just in case you were wondering- i saw the skank sisters laughing over breakfast the next morning.)

now to the eternal city- roma!!!

realistically one should have at least 5 days in rome. i had 2. i'm tired. again in another campsite- this one was huge. and full of 16 yr. olds. at this site a had an actual canvas tent and the toilet was a 4 min. walk away. and instead of putting a power plug anywhere around there- all the spare electricity was directed to... the on-site disco!!!!

weird experience- the night we arrived in rome we were pooped. the bus ride was around 11 hrs. and all i wanted to do was my laundry and hit the hay. so while i'm waiting for my clothes to dry i decide to sit in the bar with some friends who were having a beer. which is the only place to sit at the site after 9 pm. almost instantly the bar turned into a disco- lights down, lasers up, and fog machine on full blast! (which would excite the young ones so much that they would run into a circle, hold hands, jump up and down while screaming at the top of the lungs.) there were poppy english songs being played- with the exception of 'the macerena'- while provocitive music videos to different songs (like shakira's 'she wolf') were projected onto a huge screen on all the walls. there were conga lines winding through tables and rutine dances would simultaneously begin by all the teens. it was like 'high school musical' but they were drunk. i couldn't take it and spent my saturday night in rome watching the timer count down on the dryer.

now... let's talk about how fucked up the romans were.

how could people think that the aztecs were uncivilized?!?! rome- the beginning of the western civilization- had emperors (like niro) who enjoyed playing a game where he would get drunk and dress in animal skins, get locked in a cage and be released to 10 men, women, and animals tied to different poles. he would then thrash around to them, pretending to be the respective animal of the day, of course, gnaw their genetalia off and watch them till they bled to death. seriously. (all inside of his house that was so big it had a lake inside of it with a boat that was drawn by 1,000 swans with ribbons connecting them all. OMG!!)

the phrase for rome: "romans don't do it unless it's over the top and completely unnecessary."

interesting fact about rome: all of the 70,000 wild cats in rome are complete roman citizens. and they have more rights than i do.

the ancient romans were some pretty incredible people. the dome in the pantheon for example is an architecual mystery. today, the worlds best architects still can't reproduce what was made so many years ago.

the craziest part of rome, other than the emperor niro, is the collesium. 2,000 yrs. old an also the oldest standing catholic church? some pope had that idea. everything in rome is also a catholic church. all gladiator shows were subsidized by the government- free entertainment, free food, and free booze. the first half was usually tieing up wild animals to eachother- like a bear and a lion- then piss them off and watch. half time was public executions- simple stuff, like tie raw meat around someones neck and let loose a really hungry lion. no big deal. and then at the end was man on man, the gladiators. it's sick. watch 'gladiators' and multiply it by 10. i can't even talk about it anymore. so, since the romans were crazy (even more when drunk) the goverment had a great idea to relieve tension from the crowd if people got angry. the service of prostitutes, free of charge.

so to cram it all in we also did a tour of the vatican. to begin we started with the 'christian pilgrimage' which is a walk across 'the bridge of angels' where each angel represents a different part of the death of jesus. it is meant as a way for catholics to suffer with christ. holy cow- we suffered. the line to get inside of the place was the longest line i have ever stood in my whole life. there were even lines to get from one room to the next. a friend described it as being like when you are out dancing with friends and it's 3am, you are ready to leave, but nobody else is, so you have to suck it up or spend 50 bones on a taxi alone. that kind of exhaustion. my body hurt to even sit down. (but i did meet a lovely couple from rhode island- but every american i meet always wants to talk big 10 drama whenever they find out i'm texan. come on people!!)

this is inside st. peter's basilica- and the largest bronze statue in the world, it is the alter above the spot where peter's bones were burried.

interesting fact about the vatican: the fig leaf campaign. one pope went a little wacko one day and walked through the hallways screaming, "there are too many penises in the vatican!" and knocked the penis off of every statue there with a hammer. shortly after a sculptor was hired to make fig leaves to cover the damage on the statues. rumor has it there is a room in the vatican which the average person can not enter which houses all of the removed penises.

the sistine chapel was amazing. michaelangelo was amazing. the chapel is an actual fortress- you're cell phone completely quits working the minute you walk in. i feel like michaelangelo was into women's rights before his time. for example, he painted eve next to adam while she was being created from his ribs. she was never above or below him. bravo, michael!

i have now hit a brick wall. too much in not enough days. things are beginning to loose their spectacular-ness, and i am not ok with this. in small town siena i am so lucky to have 2 nights of 12 hour sleep, no alarm clocks, long runs, and time to paint my nails.

i stopped by florence for less than 12 hrs. to catch a train to lyon to spend a week with a great friend, ines. apparently i picked the best 12 hrs. to be in florence. it's st. john the baptist day! and that means a huge firework show. now i think it is safe to say that "italians in general don't do it unless it is over the top and completely unnecessary."

i had a pretty crap day- so i got myself a drumstick and settled in.

BOOM!!! the electricity flickered in the piazza and the power shut off. shounds like the beginning to a horror movie. for the next 45 min. there was the most extreme firework show i have ever seen before. we were so close and they all looked like a fireball was being thrown in your face.

(do you see that naked guy there to the left? that's david. no big deal.)

then on the walk after the show i noticed little lit red lanterns floating in the sky- it looked like they were being let loose from the cathedral. it was bequtiful!

but i have no idea what it means. (hills! someone call mary ann or uncle john for me to get the answer!!)

i'm pretending it's the prayers of the people going to god. or maybe a representation of john's head. not funny. (unless i'm right. it sounds like it could be italian.)

now off to lyon where my biggest concern will be how to translate "WOOOOO!!!!" into french!

das auto.

(the title of this blog has absolutly nothing to do with any events that occured while i was in these locations. just that these places speak german, and so does my volkswagon.)

i had a feeling this was going to happen. i had no real intention of coming to germany, other than a few days in berlin. i have no reason why- but i have no desire to know germany. the language is so weird, there is so much sausage, and big scarry drunk men in small shorts. and then i went to munich. omg this city is amazing! beautiful green plants and trees everywhere. the people are amazing. it's just so happy! (considering the history and all, too.)

it's a sunday morning at 10:30am and i walk into the city center- people are already out drinking! beer and brotwurst for days. there was a huge stage set up, but for some reason there was a salsa band playing.

guess what? it's munich's 852nd birthday!

this history here is so intense and psycho. even before ww2. hitler gave munich the title of "the home of the movement"- this is the home of the natzis. the people of munich have completely rebuilt their home and their attitude. my favorite thing about munich is that during ww2 the people knew that their city was about to be destroyed by bombs. so the people took pictures of the entire city and painted pictures in great detail and hid them all. then after the war they had these documents and retured the city to the gem that it is. munich still has that old comfortable feeling. and i think this is amazing.

what else is amazing? how much these people love beer. and to party. but good god they love beer. every corner you turn there is a beer garden. they serve beer in liters here, too. 3 cans at 1 time. i met a girl who had a bruise on her hand from holding the huge german beer steins for 5 days. and the beer really is amazing. german purity law! only 4 ingredients allowed in the beer. what they are, i don't remember. but it's just these 4 things!

and it's official. i have world cup fever. being at a bar with nothing but germans the night they win helps! and being out of greece the night they loose to SOUTH KOREA helps, too!

somehow i set my alarm clock the next morning for 10 min. before i was supposed to be at the bus stop for innsbruck, austria. (the other german speaking country.) all of my belongings and i made it to innsbruck- where after arrival i realized my tights were on inside out and the german flag that was painted on my face from the game the night before was still there.

after a nice face wash and change of pants i went to discover the beauty of innsbruck! it's a small town surrounded by the austrian alps with an incredibly large river running through the middle of it. (to the johnson family- i was by this river while y'all were on the frio, and i was with y'all in spirit! but this one involved no tire tubes and floating coolers of lonestar beer.)

innsbruck, my friends, is where i found.... PEANUT BUTTER!!!!! right inbetween nutella and nutella. all became well with the world again and getting to the top of one of these alps became a lot more realistic. now that i had the proper protein fuel and all. and... turns out you can pay to take a train to get to the top. (mental note- next time you go to the top of an alp, bring a jacket. and a scarf. maybe 2. and see if anyone has any extra gloves.) good god i have never been so cold. i learned something new about myself on this trip. let me back up a little, remeber how i mentioned you can take a train to the top? eventually you have to take a gondola. the worlds largest and scarriest gondola. (maybe not the largest, but it was a lot bigger than the ones at astroworld.) i learned that i don't like gondolas. or walking over drains on the street where you can see 100 feet below you and the only thing protecting you

is a piece of metal.. that you can see through.

i can't even think of a words to describe the amazingness of being at the top of an alp! and looking at the world below you. what a way to feel so small. i went for a run the last night along the river and i was completely surrounded by mountains on all sides of me. the air was so fresh and i became overwhelmed by feeling. you can forget they are there and when you leave a store- BOOM!!! there they are!

right on the outskirts of innsbruck is the swarovski crystal factory- and next to that is "the giant".inside of "the giant" is the sensual kaleidoscope- crystal world. the pamphlet describes it as an "underground chamber of wonders" where one "drifts between dreams and reality". this place was mind blowing! millions and millions of crystals- whole walls were made entirely out of crystals. so shiny. they had the largest cut crystal, huge moving crystal clowns, and dancing flying pants. my favorite was a room made to look like you're standing inside of a crystal while different colored lights were flashing- it was a sensual kaleidoscope! (that's me in the black reflecting on the reflectors in the crystal.)

now i am fully rested in the magical city of innsbruck. but i have to be honest- i can hardly sit still thinking about the sun and the pizza of.... ITALIA!!!!

island trippin'

you know how water parks dye the water in the lazy river and wave pools to be this unrealistic shad of blue? well... that's what the water actually does look like by the islands. even the foam behind the ferries are all blue!

this is me, being the luckiest girl in the whole world.

and obviously levels of relaxation like this can cause one to not remember everything. so, my memories from santorini are all in list form. and inbetween them all was either 1) poolside, 2) stop and stare, or 3) shop.

- we did what we came to greece to do. break some plates.

- dan mastered the "advanced lizard technique" which is a complicated series of reading, sleeping, listening to music, and swimming all in the sun.

- dan also managed to use the word "interesting" in conversation about 1.2 million times. i'm just sayin'.

- there is a sunken cruise ship from 3 years ago right outside of the hotel we stayed at. the woman who ran the place said that you could hear plates shattering while it was sinking. freaky.

- greek food is the best food. this is the introduction of my thighs beginning to touch.

- old saggy euro boobs. i think some women have taken the topless beach thing a little too far. i don't want to talk about it anymore.
- my favorite part of santorini: watching the asians take photographs of eachother. this is not a simple click and go action like us westerners. they have tripods, light directors, and they take at least 5 photos in a variety of positions, usually streached out on a ledge with the head proped up by the arm. while, i think, the one taking the photo is telling the other "lower your chin! now tilt to the left! good! ok, now wink at me! yes!" i could watch this for hours.

- hiked to the top of an active volcano. (50 stories high, and super hot.) then cooled off in the hot springs. which felt like stale bathwater compaired to the rest of the ocean.

so much amazing rest that i didn't know what to do with myself, and one night on the phone with marshall my mom told him i was beginning to get restless. his response, "what? she feels tied down to one country for to long?" bravo, marshall! bravo!

i know i mentioned before that we were going to crete. well we had a change of heart and headed to ios instead. which i had no problem with!

i failed to mention before some amazing people that i met in madrid a few weeks ago. (even though they are from oklahoma. texas fight!) we sent emails to eachother at exactly the same time saying that we were each going to ios, if the other was coming or not. so i jumped on the fast ferry the next morning leaving mom and dan in santorini.

i've never done one of those spring break pre-packaged party trips to cancun, south padre, or the jersey shore before- hell i've never even been to las vegas before. so i had no idea what i was getting myself into. (or what i recommended mom and dan to participate in.) the beaches were packed of beautiful, young, tan and fit beautiful people! everyone was so happy! and beers were only 2 euro. deal. music was playing, the umbrellas were free, and boys were playing rugby. deal. oh, and there was the blue ocean right infront of us. after the beach we napped till 9 and then great fun continued.

let me tell you a bit about the nightlife...

all 10 clubs/bars are right next to eachother in a huge cluster. they all have different themes like shooters, the shot bar. flamers, all shots are on fire. flamers also has a weak-ass foam machine that dribbles small and scattered amounts of foam on people. those wearing black dresses, like me, unfortunatly look like they have dribbles of other things all over them whenever they enter a bar with a black light on after this club. which is all of them. moving on- my favorite of the bars, slammers! with the mottto, 'slammer with the hammer'. for some reason they find it easier to take a shot of tequila while wearing a helmet and being hit over the head with a variety of items as of an extinguisher, baseball bat, and of course, a hammer. (call me old fashion, but i prefer salt and a lime.) and the night finished by dancing, at rehab.

D and i made friends with some locals. well not quite locals, more like australians who came here 3 years ago and can't figure out how to leave. and according to them- the beach is the place to go at 6am. nothing is better. done. and it was beautiful!

i wake up the next morning to the sound of waves crashing on the shore and birds chirping. yaaawn! streeaaaachhh! OMG. we fell asleep. i have no idea what time it is. we have to check out at 10 and D has a ferry right after. for all we know, it could be 2pm. the campground we were at was like a maze of shed like material in the shape of tents. oh, great. now we have to jump a fence. we ask the only two people on the beach if they knew what time it was. nope.

earlier in the story of ios i didn't mention one perticular thing- simply because it is the worst thing ever and i was hoping that i would never experience this again. therefor it never happened, and doesn't exhist. but there it is again, my eveil friend laughing at me right to my face. the stairway from the beach to the top of the mountain. this morning i started death by dehydration in the face.

not really. but that sucker was a bitch.

my favorite part of ios is sitting on the port and watching the ferries come in. my mom, the port-ologist, would let us know when one was coming so we could look up from our books. the energy of the group arriving is so high. they all look beautiful- clean clothes, fresh smiling faces and so excited! now flash 10 ft. to the left. the group leaving ios. they are sweating, sluggish, you can see last nights make-up and loss of dignity. my personal favorite is the addition of bandages, wrist guards, and yes, crutches.

(the anti) athens

i could not have been more ready to get the heck out of athens.

i have never felt more unwelcome in a place in my whole life. (yes, this includes figi fraternity foam parties.)

taxi drivers, bartenders (who call people a 'fuck-o' to their face), hotel concierge- it's been sad. and no amount of my southern charm is breaking down their walls.

i am aware that this country is broke. completely bankrupt. all wages are down and all taxes are doubled. and somehow and somewhere along the road americans are to blame. ok ok ok.

i have wanted to visit this city since i was in the 3rd grade. i did a project on athena, i safety pinned an off-white sheet around me in a pittiful attempt to look like a toga and told my classmates legends of greek mythology. and now i'm here- spending money- AND tipping. just sayin'.

now i will tell you stories...

i'm living in a world that is the complete opposite of how i have been for the past 3 weeks. replace the bunk-beds for a queen size bed (with a down feather comforter), still water stuck in the bottom of a shower for a bath tub with good smelling soap, and stinky boys for cabana boys!!!

greek police officers are also frightenly good looking. it seems that being buff with chiseled facial features is a requirement. walking around the streets one night with my mom we passed by a whole flock of them. mother says, "oh, i wish you would get you one of them!" me too, mama. me too.

day 1: poolside

day 2:

mama kicked a turtle. seriously- she screamed, it went flying. who knew that turtles roamed around the ancient agora. it was a day of sights and making sure mama didn't wobble off a cliff. more poolside. then out to see the city at night. and it is absolutly beautiful. everything is lit, there are musicians playing on the street and people enjoying themselves.

well after a few glasses of wine i convinced "ma and pa" (please pay close attention to the photo below.) to go to the rooftop bar of the hotel for a nightcap.
don't we look like fun!!!
well, rooftop bar? more like dance party disco. we were bonus points for the people playing the game 'spot the tourists'.

day 3: we noticed on day 2 that there weren't very many people out. well, maybe it's more like we noticed on day 3 that there were way more people out than day 2. turns out there was a strike on the dock and none of the cruise boats could let their passengers off. so today, we had cruisers from yesterday and today. (now i understand one reason why the greeks hate the tourists- people could not even leave their houses the traffic was so bad with busses and taxis.)

but we made it to the top! and i think we managed to get 1 photo of the 3 of us with no wondering tourists in the background. mom and i saw some greek people singing songs and taking pictures. what did we do? well we then burst into song! "the eyes of texas" and we left our mark. then after some nice views, mama and i sprinkle water from a fountain on eachother (positive it's the same water the gods used to drink) and bless eachother. "may the power of zeus compel you!!" then we made our way down anxious for more poolside.

i've gotten many questions of how athens is now after the protests. well the overall attitude is pretty shitty. i snapped a quick photo passing by one of the buildings that was destroyed. (not the one where people died.) and our first night we were sitting on the balcony of our room having a glass of wine and music began to play. dan says, "are we having protests tonight?" sure nuff. turns out that night was nothin'.

it's our last night in athens and i'm packing for our super early ferry to santorini. (also- this mornign we woke up to full security in our hotel. you have to walk through a metal detector and all your items must be x-rayed. there is even a red carpet layed out that we can't touch. and the hotel will not tell us who this visitor is.) dans doseing and mom is reading her book. i keep thinking that i'm hearing screaming and yelling outside. i step out to the patio and the police have blocked off the surrounding streets of the hotel. the shouting is getting louder and louder, closer and closer. i have never felt a fear like this before in my whole life. thousands and thousands of people are marching down the street and towards the hotel. the tension was overwhelming- it was hard to breathe.

we walked down to the lobby and outside the front door. there were nothing but men in blacksuits. now i'm standing inbetween two massive men in bullet proof vests and they are all covering their mouths and talking into earpieces. the protestors are all screaming in greek- so we have no idea what they are saying. but when they slowly walk past the hotel, they are making eye contact with all of us- and you can feel the hate in their eyes. i ask someone what they are saying and they respond, "only know german." one man told dan that they were communists, another man said it was about the turkey/israel conflict. but one thing they did all say was that they were heading for the american embassy. fucking fantastic.

we eventually find out that the visitor is a prime minister from another country. 2 + 2 = only speaking german + germany is bailing out greece. it would only make sense that the german prime minister was at the hotel and this was a message to germany. and it sure did not look like a "thank you". (and the american embassy just happens to be the end of 'embassy row'.)

now mama wont talk because she thinks the whole building is bugged and i accidentaly said, "let's blow this joint." we're out- we're ok- what a sight. i wish the best for greece- and i understand that when you are angry, you are blind. but i'm still ready to leave. sunny santorini and then crete's cliffs. i can't wait for those! but the blogs will have to. amigos- i promise to return when the wifi does! adios!!