the beginning of the end...

prague. the birthplace of pilsner beer and the wonderbra!

in this bohemian corner of the czech republic, beer is actually cheaper than water.

oh, great. [sarcastic font.]

well- my blonde ''girlfriend'' from berlin is in prague, too. and with her she has her even blonder little sister. we were a blonde-american-sister-sandwitch. after a few [unbelievably, vom-inducing disguisting] shots of absinth we head out to karlovy lane- the biggest and badassest club in central europe.

not.

read the fine print. 'the biggest and badassest club in CENTRAL europe.'

central europe is a term invented by the czech people. and it consists of the czech republic. and maybe austria. if they feel like it.

before we stepped on the dance floor, i was unaware that my blonde companions were serious hip hop dancers. like legit 'pop, lock, and drop it' music video kind of hip hop dancers.

now i know that many of you have seen me do my ''britney spears move''- and you know how amazing it is. for those of you that haven't, just think britney in her crack-head days swinging her hair around [before she cut it all off] while sticking her butt out. i know. so hot. and in my desperate attempt to keep up with these ladies when they would simultaneously bust out into these routine dance moves, i did 'the britney' over and over again. mixed with an occasional 'running man' or some 'roof raising'. i would give anything to see what that looked like. i was sore for the next two days.

some highlights of prague:

-the lennon wall [since the 1980s this wall has been filled with lennon inspired graffiti and beatles lyrics. the young czech people used the wall as a voice during the communist regime.]

-the bone cathedral [kutna hora. holds between 40-70,000 people. this chandelier is made of at least 1 of every bone found in the human body.]

-learning how to play 'shit-head' [don't worry, texas. i'll teach you.]

-the world's largest metranome [i'm sure you're thinking, ''what the what, erin!?'' but hear me out- after WW2, in the spot where the metranome is used to stand a massive statue of stalin. obviously, post velvet revolution, that sucker had to go. fast forward to the year 1996 and enter stage left.... michael jackson. MJ felt that something was missing here. so, he did what any normal human being would do and placed a gigantic [and inflatable] statue of himself in that exact spot. i would have accepted anything less. 2 years later- the metranome. why? no idea.]

i spent a lot of time in prague doing absolutly nothing. i was supposed to be thinking about ''what's next?''. but, being me, i found about 29 other things to think about. all of which were way more important. like, do i want to do my laundry today? or tomorrow? should i have a croissant for breakfast? or yogurt? one night i began talking to an older and wiser woman at the bar [to which my mother still thinks i'm referring to her as this ''older and wiser woman'' as an alias for herself.] and she asked me, ''what would you do if you knew you could not fail?''

my answers are out of control. but it's a start.

and thank god it's off to cesky krumlov so i can push that thought process to the side for a few weeks more weeks now.

oh, cesky my cesky!

this small city quickly crept up to the tope of my favorites list.

no starbucks.

no mcdonalds.

no h&m. [thank you, jesus.]

only minutes after our arrival rumors began floating around that this is the place where the movie ''hostel'' was filmed. [a horror about backpackers being tortured, raped, chopped into tiny bits. no big deal.] also that it was an old mental institution. and a hospital for lupus patients right before they died. either way- this place was creepy.

but this did not stop the good times from rollin'. no words or witty descriptions can do this justice.

the rafting pub crawl.

one afternoon- right at noon to be exact- we venture out on one of the most memorable experiences of our lives. we were driven in a van about 15 k outside of the 'village', dropped off with 2 rafts and told, ''don't die.'' the goal: hit as many bars going down the river as possible. and don't die.

the water proff ''bag'' went from being a premiership champion cup trophy thing for the mantel-pieces [australians... ], to a treasure chest, and then a time capsul with messages from the past to the future. but it wasn't quite the future yet, so we were screwed. we went down wild and crazy rapids. kinda. toughed it out in the freezing rain. and... nobody died!

but for some reason my boat wouldn't let me row. [believe it or not, i begged at one point. who? me?] so i sat there and played the role as the rafts 'dashboard ornament'. i started off as a pair of furry handcuffs and was quickly promoted to fuzzy dice because i chatted it up with some blonde locals who gave us all shots of their rum. the ultimate promotion: the hawaiian hula dancing lady. but i never got there because i quit caring.

at one point, while in a not so serious conversation, i mentioned how, ''y'all australians have about 37 different words for being drunk.'' these dudes got up to 49 in less than 10 min.

ex. pissed, mental, off my tits, off my face, slammed, bent, wrecked, swacked, hooched up, and of course... drunk.

i also made a quick stop in vienna, austria. the only thing i have to report back on from there is that i still don't like veggiemite and i took a shot where my mouth was lit on fire. with real fire. there were no ''don't try this at home'' signs hanging around. so if you're feeling stupid... call me.